I absolutely hated taking this self portrait series for this art photography course and I don't think it's a secret why. Self-confidence wasn't the issue here, but I wrote that it was. It's more that I don't like being the subject on the camera. I can write about myself for hours on end-- pages and pages of okay, but say something true and vulnerable now; but if you put me in front of a camera, I don't know how to hold myself. It's been a problem since I was younger, dating back to the most awkward poses and posing possible: big smile, weird arms, like I'm trying to be the center of attention when I just didn't know how to be. That is to say, the original introduction to my project (below) didn't cover the truth of the matter in the slightest; I just didn't know what else to write. "This is only the beginning"? I didn't take a follow-up series. I don't know what I was talking about. "There's a lot about myself that I don't like"? I have always loved my heavy-lidded eyes and butter-churner shoulders. I was raised without an ounce of insecurity about my body. It's all about how that body exists in space.
"There's a lot about myself that I don't like. My eyes are often half-closed and I have a slew of skin conditions that would make it impossible for me to work as a woman in a soap ad. I forget to put on lotion, I cut my hair in the shower, and I don't know how to do eyeliner. Combine that with all the things I bet my self worth on and it's no wonder that I'm such a mess. With this project, I tried to highlight some of that while also searching for parts of myself to be proud of. I found it in my eyes, in a combination of colors, and in letting myself cry. Allowing myself to be strong and vulnerable, and to be proud and insecure, is a massive undertaking. This is only the beginning."
No comments:
Post a Comment